Avoiding the Barbed Wire Fence of Fear

OCEAN VIEW IN SAN JUAN, PR

3. Surfing has changed how I view myself.

Narberth, PA 6:53 AM 44 degrees Clear sky as sunrises. Greyish blue fades into white fades into orange at the horizon. Birds up early, lots of chirping, geese honking.

Our journey to Rincon began with the R5 train ride from Narberth to 30th street station, followed by the R1 airport line to US Airways departures. It was Saturday morning before Easter break and our flight to San Juan was overbooked. What stands out in my journal writing is the emphasis on emotion I felt about the upcoming week.

- Couldn't sleep last night - too excited about too much: trip to P.R., new puppy, final paper to finish MA program. I'm excited to see, hear, smell, taste a new place. Very excited about getting back in the water. Also anxious.

The anxiety was due in part to a lack of self confidence in my ability to surf. More generally, I think it was tied to the fear of the unknown. I'd never been to Puerto Rico. I'd never been on a surfari. I'd never shared the water with professionals and territorial locals. These fears were rooted in my inexperience. As the great David Lee Roth said in his monumental autobiography Crazy From the Heat, something like knowing that I didn't know what I thought I knew was all I ever really needed to know. Like Roth, I too was blessed with self awareness:

I'll do a rental lesson with Julie the first day = probably Wed because we're kooks. I hate feeling like an amateur but I have to crawl before I can walk to the nose.

Embracing my kookiness, my newcomer status, allowed me to relax. Recognizing the reality of the situation (I don't really know what I am doing) and putting aside my ego made asking for directions, taking lessons, and begging for help easier. In fact, it made the whole vacation much more enjoyable! Thank God that I realized this before I even left Narberth.